This week I will begin a new feature on this site. A weekly awards program that will honor those most that honor us least. Each award will be personalized and custom fit for the particular candidate that we have selected. Feel free to make your own nominations by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org
First Place: The "Blackmail me, I Deserve It" Award:
This one goes to the Governor of Arizona who successfully raised the question of whether or not women governors can make tough laws with a necessary part of the anatomy missing. I am, of course, referring to the backbone (what did you think I was talking about?). While the citizens of Arizona wonder how many of them are not really citizens of all, the good governor watered down some recent legislation designed to allow them the ability to find out.
May-Day protestors have given Arizona lawmakers one last chance to have all of the illegal aliens in one place. Yet, the governor has declined to take advantage of this opportunity due to accusations of "Racial Profiling"
Its unfortunate that Arizona isn't next to Canada instead of Mexico (Dontcha Know). It would be so much easier to avoid Racial Profiling in favor of Speech Pattern profiling.
Second Place: The LBJ, "I'm only Two Breathes away from the Presidency" Award
Who said you needed to win an election to be president? With the Arkancide body count at an all-time high, we strongly suggest that President Obama and Joseph Biden ride in separate airplanes and avoid any trips to Poland, the Balkans or Little Rock. We also strongly suggest he get a "popemobile" with wording that states, "No-one under 18 admitted without a parent". This will clear up any confusion between him and the other guy.
Third Place: The Best Reason to Raise Gas Prices Award
This one will break with tradition and honor the massive oil spill that is taking place in the Gulf. Unable to say, "A Falling dollar and all-out thievery creates inflation," the oil companies are figuring out brand new ideas to screw the average American out of next month's rent. Expect gasoline prices to rise to $4 - $6 per gallon. Also, don't be surprised if you have to submity to a full-body scanner at the pump this summer. It is becoming increasing obvious that only a "Terrorist" would complain about being shafted in today's economic environment.
Fourth Place: The "See, I am a Heterosexual" Award
It now appears that Obama has gotten caught having an affair (with a woman this time). This could appear to some as an improvement over the last affair Mr. Obama reportedly was involved in (Source). That one, which is probably bubbling up again, involved one Larry Sinclair and a crack pipe (source).
Mr. Sinclair also claimed that Obama was complicit in the asassination of the Gay Choir Master at Obama's Chicago church. (source). Unfortunately, the military has a "Don't ask don't tell policy" which includes our Commander in Chief.
We are unaware of the woman's name at this time so we will simply refer to her as "Mrs. Beard".